I feel like I need to ask for your forgiveness. I have not been standing strong. This has really been a time for growth for me personally, a time for me to really fight for my faith. First being tested in college, now left to my own devices during the summer time. I had taken my eyes off of God and all that he has for me. I actually slipped back into the lies and the devil was trying to tie me down with old bondage that Jesus had freed me of. Forgive me because as I know that some of you look to me as a friend and a sister. I am accountable for my actions.
It is amazing how many things in the day try to weigh you down. I had forgotten the peace and freedom that comes from God alone. Being distracted by my own need to be loved and refusing to put in the effort to seek the fullness of God's love. There is no small sin, even that of a simple thought is to be weighed heavily. Even songs on the radio can provoke thoughts, feelings, emotions. I was weak of mind and I want my new resolution to be public.
I cannot live day to day life without God. With all the lies that are spread in movies, music and television there has to be a voice of truth. For each step I take forwards towards God, the devil is going to try and trip me. But I refuse to back down.
Nearly a year or more ago I got a vision of myself in a dark hallway. It was pitch black except this light at the end. I knew that light was God, the fullness of his Spirit. But I had to go down this hall filled with boxes and crates and things. At the time he felt to far away, even though I could see him at the end. As of last Sunday God officially grabbed a hold of my heart again. Now during worship I can feel myself getting closer to Him, knowing that my falling down is apart of the journey, it's climbing over the boxes that it seems so hard at times but I have to keep my eyes ahead. It's hard to see what you have until you lose it. I single handedly almost ruined my relationship with God. In the moment of sin, nothing matters, all you can see is that one moment. I really need some serious perspective! What is important to me? My family, my future, my friends. Sin can destroy all three of those things with just one choice! I am saying YES to Jesus. I want the fullness of God! Shekinah Glory come down. I know that He has forgiven me and been waiting patiently for me all this time. Now that he has caught my attention I am keeping my eyes fixed on Him.
Books on my list... The Bible and Captivating. I need more Bible in my day to day life. Praying that God will speak to me when I read His word, it has been so dry recently. Need prayer? Because I am spending a lot of time talking to God right now. Please keep me in your prayers as well! <3
