Longing.

Take me somewhere green,
somewhere that trees grow free.
Light trickles in,
our secret garden.
Memories of a cottage tucked away,
free to explore,
the day begins.
Take me somewhere that grass grows free,
where birds are unafraid to sing.
A place where flowers bloom.
Somewhere that I can simply "be".

Stumble.

 I am so sick of living for flesh. My heart grasps, reaches, scratches for what is fulfilling but achieves nothing.I find myself lost in a dark pit of nothingness. The world pretends to be the answer, it tells us that lust will fill us. But no, it is only the desire, empty and unfulfilled. I want love, true and pure, without fear. For I deserve to be loved. God has placed the desire to seek Him within me, He has shown me the path, yet I do not take it. Why? Stepping towards that path, I hesitate. I do not want to feel dirty, wrong, unworthy. It has been said, I am chosen. Ephesians 1:5

 My feet move slowly dragging with shame. Break it off, Lord. Once more show me your light. Cut the darkness out. I want to fly free, worshiping the one whom I love. Let my spirit soar unhindered. I have been called to a greater purpose. Fear has no grip on me for I am God's. Years ago I prayed for God to take a hold of my heart and that is exactly what He did. He has never let me go, even in those dark moments of lust. God knew that I would stumble but He also knows that I will get back up. The one who believes in me fully deserves for me to believe in Him fully as well. He wants to see me dance before Him in pure and beautiful worship. 

You're love overcame the grave surely you will break every chain!

I will run towards you, God.

God is breaking chains!

The things I would like to say on Facebook.

That moment that you never thought would happen. If I was four I might have loved to see a firetruck and ambulance pull up to my house, but not today. Perhaps the worst is over but the feeling still remains. How on earth?

The worst part is that my brothers and I all show how worried we are in totally different ways. My little brothers are sitting on the couch playing Rock Band while the paramedics filed in. I just want to shake them really hard, then maybe they will notice what is going on and react visibly? But they do notice, they just are processing it differently. I wonder though, at times like these, do they realize that dad may be in danger? They aren't trying to help or anything. But at least they aren't being counterproductive!

Praying for peace. I know that God is taking care of him, so I wont let myself spiral into a tizzy. My heart just needs to calm down.

Fervent Prayers.

I will not allow a gift to become a curse. The opportunities to pray for those in my life is a blessing. No matter how hard it gets, I believe that they are in God's hands. Nothing is impossible for God! Psalm 34:17 says, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." He is the only one capable of truly saving those who are lost. God has given me a burden to pray for those who are within my reach and I will do so diligently. The enemy would love for me to fall into despair but that is not what God wants. "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." (Phil 4:6)

When I was visiting Nicaragua for the first time I began to feel for those in pain and instead of getting overwhelmed, I released it to God. In return He explained to me that he wants to hear my prayers. It fueled the passion in my heart. I will not allow myself to get backed into a corner, afraid that nothing will change! I will speak out. I will not remain silent.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." - James 5:16

God, please give me faith! 

I know that you keep all of your promises, Good King. 

Help me to see through your eyes.

Amen.

I choose you.

In the lowest moment in my life, I want to choose God. He has the ability to pull you out of the darkness if you would only turn to him. Thinking back on all of the darkness I was once involved in, I cannot stand for mediocrity! God has rescued be from the hands of the wicked. He is my shepherd, my king and my close friend. Its sad how on a daily basis God can be pushed to the backs of our minds, when he really should be our only focus. All things belong to God. I am infinitely grateful that God is in charge of my life.

I choose joy over depression.

I choose life over death.

Right now I am choosing to spend more time in God's word, more time in abandoned worship and deep prayer. I am expecting a change in my life! Why? Because "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:1) He has already moved mountains in my life, who says that he cannot still do great things?

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 4:6-7

In need of new filtration system.

What you need to hear won't always be what you want to hear. This seems to be the message for this week. Actually, this saying is always true! God has recently been showing me this importance of not causing strife. For many reasons, I will unknowingly pick fights with people. It is a reaction to what ever stress is going on in my life but is harmful to my surroundings. Do I deep down want to destroy my relationships? No! And so I have been working on this bad habit to preserve future relations with my family and friends. This self discipline for some reason is rather difficult because the moment that I open my mouth, the words simply flow out. How do I prevent this? Lots of prayer, practice and apologies. Meditating on God's word, letting it soak in.

Want to hear the good news? God likes me! He knew everything about me (past, present and future) and still genuinely likes me. Weird, right? Well, it's the same for you too! Most people know that God loves you (John 3:16 being the most popular verse in the Good Book) but not that he likes you. He wants to see you succeed!

Stepping off the boat.

It's very hard to obey God when you are caught up in fear. But if I don't know God I will be forever unhappy. There is no way that I can live without Him. I will never be able to reach my full potential without His gentle guidance! I must ask now for your forgiveness for not living in the way that God has asked me to.

Right now I choose to take the next step though I am afraid. I still believe that His thoughts towards me are good. Starting tomorrow, Friday the 13th of April, I will begin a Fast. I made a promise to spend time in God's word and in worship everyday no matter for how long. I have allowed myself to lose sight of God in many areas of my life. I spend hours in front of a screen, waiting for my crops to grow or watching someone else fulfilling their goals. Unfortunately, I have squandered much of the time that God has given me but not any longer.

I will be spending the next several weeks seeking God's face with all my heart!